What NOT to say to Breast Cancer sufferer!

Breast Cancer, with all it diagnosis and treatments, comes in for some verbal treatment at times. Sympathy, yes, can be extended by someone, a friend, a husband, even a mother, who may have also suffered similar discomfort in her life time.
A comment to a BC sufferer should be given with sincere feelings, not to aggravate the situation, says psychologist Jeff Knajdl, director, psycho-Oncology services, Creighton University, Omaha, Nabraska, pointing out some common sayings to avoid upsetting Breast Cancer patients.
"Everything will be all right". You really have no way of knowing if it will be or not, says Jeff, such statements will sound like an empty platitudes, or something of mistrust. What a BC patient really wants to hear is that you're going to be there for her through good times and bad.
"I know how you feel". Often an automatic response to an inquiry of "How ya doing?" At this point in time, a depth of feeling assessment of the patient may not be received at the level of your understanding. Better to ask something like "How are your mood and spirits holding up?" This approach is not striking at a depth of feeling, but rather giving a sufferer a chance to tell you how she feels.
"Try to keep a positive attitude!". This tends to arrive at the patient like a salvo!. Cancer patients hear endless variations on this 'mind over body' theme. If a patient has a strong personality, they will dramatise the situation more than they need to do so.
"We can beat this!". In a rush to be supportive, it's all to easy to fall back on such encouraging and inspirational messages that can lead to deep seated feelings of failure.
"Now don't get worked up!". A statement directed by observations of a scared, angry, or in tears situation . Patients need to get their feelings out in the open. It is necessary to cry, get angry or get upset!
"Congratulations, you're done with chemo". This may not altogether produce the thrill a course of treatment is finished. During a treatment, a patient may feel she is actually taking action, because the focus is on a solution, either as a cure, or progress in pushing back the cancer.
It is important to accept the patient is feeling okay and that you are there to listen any time of the day.
Acknowledgment: Jeff Knajdl, Psychologist, Psycho-Oncology services, Crieghton University, Omaha, Nabraska. Breast Cancer, Caring.com Geoff.